For as long as I can remember I have been the “nice girl” or the “good girl” persona because it has been who I am out in the world. I am a sweet, kind, and all around genuinely nice person who just so happens to speak her mind bluntly more than is necessary. However, it has become obvious that I have to cut ties with my inner nice girl. She has done nothing but get me walked on, pushed over, and just over looked so many times. No more Ms. Nice Girl. SHE IS GONE. She was murdered by my inner bitch that decided to take over and release Ms. Nice from her sweet spell. I am beyond irritated with people who take my kindness for weakness and think that they can talk to me or treat me any old kind of way because I have been nice to them. I am tired of friends, family, and co-workers treating me like shit because they are ready and willing to take advantage of me. The word NO is going to start to be heard from my mouth from now on, I am so done with catering to the feelings of others. It is time to stop being quiet, mousy, and a shrinking violet who seeks approval from others and wants to be liked. The hell with that because that is a dead end road with trying to please way too many people! I will no longer apologize for who I am and how I feel and if someone has a problem with that, then it’s too bad! No more Ms. Nice Girl.
So I tuned into the VMA’s just to watch the Justin T. performance and the NSync reunion. The past few years (after 2007) I’ve only watched to see Britney Spears make an appearance and receive her awards. I was not impressed with what I witnessed and being completely honest, I kept switching the channel watching other shows until J.T finally took the stage. It was so incredibly horrible and at times down right cringe worthy. Sexy is Britney Spears giving flawless dance moves and just a kick ass show, whether it was with a snake, kissing Madonna, or ripping off her costume! I miss the 90s-early 2000s, I miss when you could turn on a radio and listen to good music that made you wanna sing along. Whenever I’m driving, I put CDs in or use my IPOD jack because there is absolutely nothing out that’s worth my time. The only possible savior I have is waiting for Britney S. to release some great tunes and save me from the despair of music today. Watching Britney was like watching a Goddess perform and these kids just don’t have that today. The Backstreet Boys, Christina Aguilera, Destiny’s Child/Beyonce (solo career), put on a show! You were entertained because they gave it their all and then some and I miss those days. I miss loving a song so much it’s on constant repeat. It was wonderful to see Justin Timberlake perform and seeing all the guys together was beyond amazing. Here’s hoping that Britney can once again save the music industry.
“Sometimes you have to realize friends ain’t friends. They just some cool ass people!”
My anonymous friend from Facebook posted this quote and it caught my eye. The place I’m in with my life life right now, this describes my overall feelings towards several people “in” my life. I guess it’s time to move forward and not get so scary to get out and do things on my own. It’s just so hard going against your nature and trying to change. The one thing I do know and what I’m more than ready for is cutting out the negativity in my life. I no longer have room for people who are users and don’t wish me well.
I find it interesting how so many people get lost in your “growing” years. I look back now and I realize that people are in your life for a reason and when that reason is over, they so are they in a sense. I’ve lost so many friends in the course of just life basically and I don’t know what it is but I’ve been stuck on this topic for days now. Maybe it’s that I’m lonely but after re-evaluating my life and the friendships/relationships that I have lost, I think some changes are in order. I used to have good friends in grade school, college, and afterwards at my jobs and yet very little have actually stuck.
I’m really starting to think that maybe in this case, it is me. What is it about me that makes people not want to continue to date me or even continue to be friends with me? It’s astounding that I spend a good amount of weekends either at home watching TV while eating junk food or I’m at work. The sad thing is that after I start working full time, I’ll have even less time to hang out and attempt to find friends. Even when I make a friend, I end up spending too much time with that person and then we end up not being friends after a month or so. The other sad part is that I actually had to cut people out of my life. I got rid of a “friend” recently because of a serious of events that eventually boiled over after a crazy drunken night and I almost ended up in danger.
I feel unappreciated on a constant basis by all but 2 of my friends and it’s a feeling that I hoped would die out but it hasn’t. They take my kindness for weakness and I am such a GOOD friend. I would do whatever I can for people that I care about and yet it’s never reciprocated. I just moved into a new place and my supposed “best friend” hasn’t even stopped by to see it. I was moving and people I met at work and known a shorter amount of time than my “BF” and they were there to help me move. I don’t do things for others to pay back favors but I also don’t want to be treated like crap. If a friend needs a ride or help with homework or on rare occasions money, I help if I can. I don’t know anymore, I’m just frustrated and a little pissed off. Thanks for reading my rant :)
“Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness.” – Ibn Taymiyyah
I love this quote because it just sums up how I think on a daily basis. Truth, nothing but the truth! I’m beyond tired of being dependent upon others even when I know I shouldn’t. Sometimes you just can’t help it. I’m in such a bad place in my life right now and I cannot wait till the day when I can stand on my own two feet and not have to look to others for help. Don’t wanna deal with the judgmental attitudes of others or their condescending looks, nor do I want to deal with pretending to be nice because of being indebted to another. Lord give me strength!
Is it just me or is time really flying by fast?! It’s already the end of May and June is fast approaching. 2013 is going just as fast as 2012 and it seems as if it will not slow down. It’s like I’m on the outside looking in and as cliche as it sounds, there’s so much to do and not enough time. I find myself wondering how to actually live everyday differently and experience things/situations in a different light. I don’t know if I’m caught up in some dream like TV scenario where I have to switch it up a bit but I just feel like I haven’t really and truly lived. Maybe it’s my age working against me, perhaps I feel like time is slipping away because the years are starting to creep up on me.
I just turned 25 back in February and I’ve been so consumed (the past 2 years) with work and “school” and attempting to figure out which career path I want to take that I haven’t really taken “time” into consideration. I don’t know, I’m starting to feel like it’s all wasting away and that I’ll look up one day knocking on death’s door. I am in my mid 20s, is it normal to feel so old? It’s crazy to even think it but I’m just getting to a place where I want to make changes and it’s all slipping away too quickly. Time is a funny thing and it’s never enough.
I was never the Ally McBeal fan when the show first came out. I actually had no clue this show even existed until it was suggested to me on my Netflix. And now, I am completely and utterly shocked at how good this show was. I was not prepared for how much I would love Ally McBeal and all the characters involved! I typically don’t watch old shows that I haven’t heard of but after my deep love for Friday Night Lights came about through Netflix, I had to give this show a try. Ally McBeal was a hands down great experience and I for one am happy that I gave this show a try. Lastly, I have learned that there is a little Ally McBeal in us all :)